The Phone Breakup: Times Are Changing

As long as we have had romantic relationships, we have had awkward breakups. The breakups are woven into our lives like the happiness that comes from being in love. After all, we can’t know the sweet without a little touch of the bitter.

We live in a world of cellphones: Blackberries and instant messengers have made it easier than ever to stay in touch with one another. Our world is rapidly becoming one with less human to human contact: neighbors, friends, acquaintances, girlfriends, boyfriends, and husbands and wives all communicate their intention through the quick zip of technology. As the new technology entered our lives, so did a less confrontational way to deliver the same old bad news.

They’re many bad ways to break up with someone using technology: the first bad one is the phone break up. This can be divided into two different categories. There is the answering machine breakup and the over the phone breakup.

Consider this before you try the answering machine break up. When the two of you got together, you were not fooling around with his or her answering machine; therefore, don’t break up with it. People who use this tactic are looking for an easy way out. Be careful, for it may come back to haunt you. What would happen if the other person didn't check their messages? Then the next time you saw them, they would act like nothing had happened. You would be stuck explaining your behavior and breaking up with them face to face after all.

The over the phone break up offers the opportunity to end a relationship in the safety of your own home. As you attempt to express your intentions about the failing relationship, you can still maintain personal safety through distance, for you can end the call at any time. This is helpful if you have been in the relationship for a short period of time, there is physical distance between the two of you, or you are worried that the other person may become violent. The biggest drawback to the over the phone break up is that it limits the personal exposure needed for the other person to gain closure on the relationship.

Most of us send emails and texts messages everyday, so it should come as no surprise that they’re now being used to dump someone. Getting dumped over the phone is the second worst way to be dumped. The first is via email or text message. I know it is easier for many people to put their feelings into words but when it comes to breaking up, you need to do it face to face. Think about it like this, you’re working away on your computer then all of a sudden your computer chirps the familiar expression, “You’ve got mail.” You notice that it is from your special someone, so you rush to open it. All of a sudden, you discover that it’s a tacky break up letter. Tacky break up letters hurt, but they can also hurt the sender. What happens if they decide to print off that break up letter and pass it around to their friends?

Who’s laughing now?

U R dumped--one in seven say they have suffered the same fate as Britney Spears’ soon to be ex husband Kevin Federline--a message he read from his cellphone in November 2006 while taping an interview for MuchMusic, a Canadian television show.

According to a survey commissioned by Samsung Telecommunications America, about 11 percent of Americans say breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend via text message is okay. The survey found that 15 percent of the 2,194 people questioned had been broken up with by email or text message. A quarter of those surveyed in the 18 to 24 year old age group choose the traditional method--the letter. Hiding behind technology might seem like a cowardly way to break up, but it contrasts the four percent who chose to drop all communication.

Between the text message, instant message, email, and social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, it’s no wonder that many people have adopted this modern way to deliver an old fashioned dumping. Moreover, results show that one per cent of the population would rather use MySpace or Facebook to break off a relationship. It's the art of a changing world where singles can avoid direct confrontation by crafting the traditional Dear John/Jane letter using readily available technology.

Our society has become so dehumanized by technology that many would feel weird to have conversations in person. With almost everyone having a cellphone, we have become a society governed by the short and to the point. Moreover, text messaging has enabled us to get our point across without the long conversation. Not to mention, most cellphone providers offer unlimited texting, so we rationalize the short and to the point by saying it’s cheaper to text because our cellphones have a certain amount of minutes whereas text messaging is unlimited. That being said, it’s no wonder that the electronic zip of technology has forced us into parallel worlds instead of intersecting paths.

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