Looking For A Slap?

These lines, although funny, should not be used in an attempt to woo a young lady. If you use these pickup lines seriously, you can expect a swift slap across the face. Needless to say, that’s why I call this category Looking For a Slap. That being said, enjoy the laughter that surely will ensue. If you have any comments or suggestions about the lines you’ve read here, or you think this page isn’t dirty enough, feel free to send me a message and we’ll see if we can’t turn the sleaze up a notch.

Nice legs what time do they open?

That dress looks good on you now, but it will look better crumpled up on my bedroom floor.

You don't sweat much for a fat girl. I can change that!

Sit on my hands. Please?

Your in luck. I just stopped by the store to get extra condoms.

I am black from the waist down.

Horses are hung like me!

If you like crazy quick sex, I am your guy.

I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?

Fancy a screw?

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

Let's go back to my place and do all the things I'll tell everyone we did.

Nice shoes, wanna screw?

Nice tits. Mind if I suck them?

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to screw you on the floor.

The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

What can I do to make you sleep with me?

Your face or mine?

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

My hands are cold. Can I warm them on your breasts?

Can I see your tan lines?

(Staring at her breasts) Cold out isn't it?

(Go up to a girl in a bar, slip your arm around her, and say) Hi Laura!
(She says) I'm not Laura.
(You say as you slip your hand lower) But you sure feel like her!

I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

I'm an organ donor. Need one?

Do you have any Russian in you? Would you like some?

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time between the holidays?

That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I’ll guess how much you weigh.

Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap. We'll talk about the first thing that pops up.

(Grab an ass walking by) Pardon me, is this seat taken?

(Lean over and whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.

I like the look of your crotch.

What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!

You got nice breasts. What color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?

You don’t have cookie nipples do you because I really hate cookie nipples.

You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

You're ugly and I’m drunk, but I’ll have sex with you anyway.

Do you want to make an easy fifty bucks?

So, you're a girl huh? Alright, I’ve got 5 minutes and no self respect.

You’ve got something on your chest: my eyes.

I heard you have a vagina?

You're my kind of girl--two arms and two legs.

Guy: Were you raised on a chicken farm?
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because you sure know how to raise the cock

I just out of jail. Do you want to find an empty alley somewhere?

I’m no astronaut but I’d love to visit Uranus.

Guy: Wanna do a shot with me?
Girl: Sure. What kind of a shot?
Guy: A cum shot.

Let's have a party and invite your pants to come down.

They’re 265 bones in the human body. Would you like one more?

My name is Milk and I'll do your body good.

What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

Your parents must be retarded because you’re so special.

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?
(Pull your pockets inside out) Would you like too?

You are so fine that I'd eat your crap just to see where it came from.

You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.

You're a 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.

Have you ever played leap frog naked?

You’re just the kind of girl I like: old enough to pee--old enough for me.

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