A Dear John Letter: A Compassionate Way To Break Up

The Dear John letter refers to a letter written from a woman to her husband or boyfriend. It’s meant to inform him that their relationship is over. Most often, it is because she has found another man. A letter from a man to a woman is referred to as a Dear Jane letter.

The exact origin of the phrase Dear John Letter is not certain. However, it is believed to have made its first appearance by Americans during World War II. Many American troops were stationed overseas for long periods of time. As time passed, spouses and girlfriends grew lonely. Deciding to begin new relationships with the men at home rather than wait for their man to return from war, the Dear John letter was born.

Normal letters written to members of the service from their spouses and girlfriends would typically contain affectionate language. A serviceman receiving a letter beginning with a very formal tone, such as, Dear John as opposed to My Dearest, John Darling, or Johnny, for example, would immediately make the receiver of the letter aware of the letter's intent. In all actuality, the sender was already attempting to put an emotional distance between herself and the receiver of the letter. In the case of some letters, the letter literally ended after the greeting. The purpose of this was to refrain from listing a painful series of specifics.

Why John?

John was a common name for a man during this time. John was also a name used in other terms and phrases. For example, an anonymous man is called a John Doe. An average member of society is referred to as John Q. Public. The same can be inferred from Jane Doe.

With a history stretching over the last 60 plus years, the phrase Dear John Letter, holds a very ominous meaning. Hank Williams had a song called Dear John in 1951 and numerous others covered it in the decade that followed. A Swedish film director by the name of Lars-Magnus Lindgren followed suit in his 1964 film based on the same name. Two television shows took on the name Dear John. The first, a British based sitcom starring Ralph Bates who played the shows main character, John Lacey, aired between 1986 to 1987. The second sitcom was produced in America. It ran between 1988 to 1992 with Judd Hirsch playing the same character Ralph Bates played. Finally, in 2006 Nicholas Sparks wrote a book entitled Dear John.

As you may have realized by now, the Dear John/Jane Letter is not likely to disappear from our vocabulary. Its long history--smeared by the devastating affect in which its message inflicts on the unsuspecting recipient is still one of the most impersonal ways to send the personal message--it’s over.

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