Coping With Separation: The Dear John Letter

Coping with separation is a hard enough task to endure. When the woman you love tells you she doesn't want to be with you anymore because you're too different, it isn't going to be easy to receive; especially, if it comes in the form of a Dear John/Jane letter, you probably won't be able to understand why.

Just remember, time heals all wounds.

If your separation involves mutual property or the custodial rights of a child, you may need to seek legal advice. Apart from that, they’re trained professionals who are experienced in helping you through matters of the heart and coping with separation; however, you may already have your own professional--nothing beats the comfort of a friend. I have outlined some steps to recovery that may help you through the healing process.

1. Get Angry
It’s okay to be angry with the situation. The news that you have just heard is going to have an impact on your life. Denying the anger, shock, or disappointment does not make it go away. The only way to help in coping with separation is to allow yourself to go through the usual gambit of human emotions. Some people like to break things to vent their frustrations. It isn’t for everyone, but it can provide a well needed release. If you do like to break stuff, try to find a safe place where you can do it while being alone. I like beating up on rubber garbage cans. They don’t hurt as much when you kick them, and they can take a lot of punishment. I have broken a few knuckles on unsympathetic walls, so I would caution against giving a brick wall a piece of your mind.

2. Find An Ear
After you have let out your physical frustrations, you need to release the emotional ones too. A sympathetic or detached ear will allow you to lecture on the unfairness of the situation. Look to a counselor, friend, or pastor to help you through this tough time. If you can’t let go of the anger, confusion, or depression it will linger. Ultimately, affecting everyone and everything around you.

3. Write Your Own Letter
Many people achieve a catharsis through writing. If you write out your feelings towards the sender, it will not only help you in coping with separation, but it will help you to express your feelings of disappointment. As well, it will help you grapple the feelings surrounded by your loss of control. Counter all the points that he or she brought up. Afterwards, burn the letter and release yourself from all that wounds you. Think of it as a letting go ceremony.

Above all else, know that you will get through this. As I said, this is hard. Breakups are not without casualties, but you have to get back up again. You owe it to yourself. The hopelessness surrounding the Dear John/Jane letter will be hard to shake, but it isn’t over until you give up.

So don’t!

This relationship may not have worked out, but that doesn’t mean the next one will follow the same pattern.

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