Breakups Through Email

Breakups through email may seem cruel to some while others may see it as a less confrontational way to deliver painful news. In some cases, the physical distance separating the two of you may not allow for a face to face break up. Other-times it is just too hard to get the right words out. In either case, you may want to think about a well orchestrated break up letter. One that will allow you the time needed to gather your thoughts: clearly expressing them in a manner which allows the two of you dignity.

Believe it or not, all romantic relationships will not live up to your hopes and dreams. You can meet a wonderful woman but find out you aren’t wonderful together. Mr. Right could barge into your life whisking you up to the heavens for a quick dance around cloud nine--all to discover Mr. Right must be left behind. If this sounds familiar, you may want to consider ending the relationship.

The following are steps for writing a break up email:

1. Make Notes
Think about what you want to say before you send the message that you're ending a relationship. This will help when it comes time to write the email. Jot down the points you want to make. This should be done in a point by point fashion. You’ll expand upon those points later.

2. Write The Email
Write the break up letter using a word document. You’re not going to send it right away, so this will make it easier to come back to later. When you write the letter say everything you want to say, pay no attention to a muddled stream of thought. The idea is to get it out of your head and onto the screen. If you feel like swearing--swear! You’re not going to send this email yet, for you will need to come back to it later. After you’re done writing the letter, put it to bed and come back to it tomorrow.

3. Reread The Email
Once you have allowed yourself time away from the email, you can come back to it with fresh eyes. Today you’re going to omit all the curse words and expletives. Colorful language may seem to go hand in hand with ending a relationship but in this case it will only taint the message. It also may start a war. Although you may feel it is over for you, you don’t need the stress of an unshakable ex slinging arguments--so just keep it on point without the curse words. Apart from omitting the curse words, you will also look to see that your break up letter has an organized thought process. In other words, do your points flow naturally from one to the next. You don’t want to discuss one point, move to the next, then come back to the original. Keep all of your thoughts together.

4. A Second Pair of Eyes
It may be beneficial for you to have someone close to you have a look at your break up letter before you send it. Breakups have a tendency to make emotions boil over; oftentimes, it is hard to distance yourself from those emotions. A close friend may help to put you at ease with the feelings of being excessively critical. After all, you want to send a clear message.

5. Send It
If you have revised the break up letter to the point that everything that needed to be said was said, and you’re comfortable sending the letter--send it. Once it has been sent, you should immediately feel the weight released from your shoulders.

One final thought, ending a relationship through email is not always a clear cut break up: sometimes it is a cry for help. Breakups are difficult, and it should be said that this may be one of the most difficult letters you have ever had to compose. By the time the receiver checks their email, the feelings of anger and frustration which prompted you to write this email may not be present. It is not unusual for two who are separated by distance or a military obligation to harbor feelings of abandonment or neglect. The email you may send could be a definite end to a relationship, but don’t ignore the fact that many breakups are merely messages written in desperation.

Your feelings are important!

Bear in mind, if you send this email during a stressful time in your life, your relationship may still be salvageable--keep the contents in perspective. There is a chance that sending this email will wake the other person up to all of the points that are important to you, but if outlining those points initiates a break up--so be it. If the two of you grow closer as a couple because of this letter, then you’re better off. Either way, breakups that come from an email don’t slam the door shut on a relationship, but they do aide in closing it.

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